Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
