so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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