I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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