Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
