Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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