see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
