dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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