I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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