My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
