I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
