omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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