i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
