im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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