Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
