the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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