She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
