R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
