Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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