now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
