My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
