Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Mom said you looked used
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
