I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
