fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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