Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i dont even know how to be here
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
