I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
