My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
