Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
