But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
