that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
