I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
