I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
