Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
