Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
