if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
