Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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