This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
