i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
