I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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