Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
