no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
