i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
