she was so not down for the gang bang
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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