found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
