She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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