but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
