oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
