This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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