Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
