she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
