So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
