fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
