I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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