new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
