Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
