Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
