i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
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I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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