I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
