problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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