Moan for me like Helen Keller
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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