stop calling my apartment porn island.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
