I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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