Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
