I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
