All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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