So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think people are normalizing furries
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
