That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
