I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
