Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
