I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
