My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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