omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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