Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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