Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
