Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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