What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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