i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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