If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
