On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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